Friday, 4 June 2010

Hot & Wet

Last night I got home from work and told Mrs Sausage that I would be going on the exercise bike before having my dinner. I kind of dislike doing this because its not a regular thing that I arrive home in time for me to sit down with the family to eat, often working late at the office coupled by a near hours drive home. And so it was last night that that despite being home on time I felt I had to get some exercise in before dinner as I wouldn't feel like it afterwards.

The sun lounge where my exercise bike is sat is on the rear of the house & faces south, which means that its in sun virtually all day. The heat build up in there is sometimes equal to that at which gold melts. We have in the past refused requests to use it by NASA to test their space shuttle shields, the government to test volcano resistant suits & Jordan to get a deeper tan. Its so hot a dog turd would go white and rumble in 10 seconds.

Into this blast furnace I nonchalantly walk in my shorts and t-shirt, a water bottle in one hand and a wholly inadequate single sheet of Bounty toweling in the other. By the time I've walked the 4 steps to the bike I need a drink to replace lost fluids. On lowering my buttocks onto the saddle I know what cattle branding feels like from the cows point of view. Oxygen levels aren't even worth measuring.

I rode 7 miles on that bugger last night & could do no more, even with the outside door open. By the time I'd finished the tile floor was speckled with small puddles of sweat, the driest part of my shirt was under the armpits, the sheet of Bounty towelling was in tatters & the water bottle had given all it had. Through all this I'd had to watch the rest of the family through the patio doors as they sat and ate dinner, Ben occasionally tapping on the window and asking "how many miles dad?" at which point I'd blink the sweat away and grimly look at the display.

The lines of the film 'Good Morning Vietnam' come to mind when Robin Williams asks "How hot is it today?" and gets the reply "Hot n' wet man. Its alright when you're with a woman, but it ain't no good in the jungle".

But you know what? After getting off I actually felt good. Not the good you feel when relaxed and sitting with a beer in one hand, but good in the knowledge that I had done something which my head and body didn't want to do, would have looked at any excuse to shy away from, but despite those feelings had been forced to do anyway and as a result I had overcome & won.

This is my Olympics - a supreme effort for me & every night I can accomplish a few miles like this is my gold medal. I might have to up the kit a bit to include an additional sheet of kitchen toweling though!


  1. Bravo, way to stick2itness. I added a blogger map and link to your blog on yesterday's post, thanks for visiting. Happy hot rides to ya.

  2. LMFAO at that one mate, well done!